Three weeks in and already I’m struggling to stick to a posting schedule. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you me: The world’s laziest man. Thanks to a strong bout of procrastination, which was man flu induced, I didn’t finish writing about AVB’s sacking until yesterday. Monday evening writing time is usually reserved for writing this — where usually means ‘for two weeks in a row therefore it’s a thing’. A day late, here are the things I learnt last week. Enjoy!
- Water helps man flu. While suffering the aforementioned bout of man flu (my second within a month — how is that even possible?) I tried to figure out what helped and what didn’t. Initially I centred my research around the internet, trying to find tips to unblock my nose, etc. Before long I remembered that the internet is only good for abusing professional football players and morally questionable jokes, forcing me to abandon that quest. From that point I did what every heroic young scientist would do and began testing my own body. I made an intriguing discovery that isn’t intriguing at face value — drinking a lot of water was good for me. Before I’m spammed with “You don’t say” reaction images, please allow me to explain. I live in the loft, one floor above the bathroom. Drinking lots of water forced me into frequent visits downstairs. These trips, particularly as I take the steps in twos, got my heart pumping a little bit and unblocked my nose somehow. Every time I came back to my room I had to blow my nose and hosted a clearance those sofa stores would’ve been proud of. All in all, I went from death’s door to relatively good health in under a week. Stop sniggering ladies, you only have to deal with childbirth.
- Paintball can be great fun. On Saturday I went paintballing for the first time in my life. It was a very mixed day, to the point where I’m contemplating writing an entire post on it, but I can see why people spend considerable amounts of money on it as a sport. In essence it’s a team sport but you can go it alone and do relatively well. For me there was great pleasure to be found in multiple parts of the game. In particular the ability to shout things like “two on the left flank, cover me and I’ll take them out”, which made me feel like the man I’ve always wanted to be. There were, of course, downers but that’s a different story. For those of you looking for an extremely expensive sport which leans heavily toward the mature adult male yet is populated almost entirely by brainless preteens, this is the one for you. The potential is there, it’s just going to take a heck of a lot to get me back out there.
- Apple’s losing it’s touch. I dislike Apple. I’d even go so far as to say that I despise the company. I dislike how they attain their money, I dislike that they are a quasi-religion and I particularly dislike the muppets that preach at the Church of Steve Jobs. For all these reasons, I can’t wait until the company goes away. The release of their latest unexcusably expensive upgrade gives me hope that this might happen soon. For the first time in what feels like forever, an Apple release hasn’t been met by a river of drool sourced at the mouths of sheep. On the contrary, those in the know have finally begun to wake up, rub their eyes and ask what happened in the past few years. I don’t want to go on a rant that begins at satire and ends at vitriol so I’ll cut it short. It was nice to see the media expose the latest iPad for what it is — yet another excuse to pressure people into paying ridiculous amounts of money for a product they don’t need. How was this something I learnt? Allow me to rephrase: I learnt that Apple can no longer get away with anything. I welcome that.