…What I Learnt This Week (19/03/2012-25/03/2012)

As I type this begin typing this sentence, the clock has just ticked 23:59. Ok, I’ve used some artistic licence there — not only does my computer’s clock not “tick”, it was about 30 seconds into its 60-second gyration. Regardless of the finer details, that means that it’s still… it was Monday. I take it you’re screaming for the bigger picture here and who could blame you? I’m not late. I started writing this on Monday, therefore I’m as punctual as ever. Without further time-related rambling (what do you expect from a blog called Rambling On?) allow me to spread the knowledge and information I accrued this week.

  1. There’s a ‘Flat Earth Society’. This comes straight from the jar labelled ‘Proof humans shouldn’t be trusted to reproduce without filing a form’. There’s a society who have a mission statement to: “promote and initiate discussion of Flat Earth theory as well as archive Flat Earth literature. Our forums act as a venue to encourage free thinking and debate”. I enjoy cracking sarcastic jokes more than the next guy but I feel dirty taking this one on. It’s too easy. It’s actually cheap to call these people squares. It’s a black mark against my (inconsiderable) intellect to call into question the roundedness of education these people have had. Proof, ladies and gentlemen, that the Creator was a troll: Giving every man equal power to wield his pee-pee is the greatest practical joke of all time.
  2. How to root an Android phone. On Friday morning I finally rooted and flashed my Samsung Galaxy Ace with a new ROM. For those of you who understood less than 50% of that sentence, I’m going to try and keep this brief. For anyone interested, rooting was really simple. Installing the ROM was a bit more complex but nothing a tech-savvy preteen couldn’t do. Pros thus far? Battery life is better, my phone looks schmexy and I have greater control over its functionality, amongst other things. Cons? I lost the TouchWiz interface… nothing else. For anyone interested in doing it, Google is your friend. A reminder to the pansies out there — it’s not illegal. At worst, it voids your warranty but unrooting should make everything good again. Not that I’m a legal expert. For all I know rooting could be grounds for divorce.
  3. There are buggies that cost hundreds of pounds. I don’t know if this information is ‘out there’ but I was informed over the weekend and I’m gobsmacked. For proof, Google “buggies”, select ‘Shopping’ and order by price from highest to lowest. How can people excuse spending that much on a buggie? At what point do we assume that the price doesn’t correlate to the safety features available? Is ‘buggy’ or ‘buggie’ the singular word for ‘buggies’? For those of you who are wondering why, in a world full of information, I felt this was important enough to mention please think of it like this: Next time you walk past a buggy/ie (I think I’ve just created a marketable name there), don’t forget that some idiot might have paid £400 for it. Hopefully they’ll be rocket powered by the time they reach the million pound mark. Don’t smirk, some mug has paid hundreds of pounds — it’s only a matter of time before someone pays millions.

I’ve discovered a problem already. Over the week, the majority of what I learn is retained via the following mental monologue: “Hey, remember how you thought humans couldn’t get any stupider? …Yeah… Well I’ve just learnt this! …Please tell me you’re joking… Nope! …Sweet waffle Jesus”. Here’s just a couple of other things I learnt this week that I think were just too misanthropic to make a display out of: People would rather walk from one tube station to another than admit they’ve gone too far and simply switch platforms; People will call you sexist if you explain eBay to a woman while referencing cosmetics. The latter led to a delightfully fun conversation, I can assure you.